


invisible string

by bitboozy



Series: Domesticated [53]
Category: Broadchurch
Genre: Established Relationship, F/M, Family, Gen, Light Angst, Therapy, This is still a love story
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-11
Updated: 2021-03-08
Packaged: 2021-03-17 22:08:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 18,608
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29357727
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bitboozy/pseuds/bitboozy
Summary: The family is informed of Ellie's condition as she begins treatment.
Relationships: Alec Hardy & Ellie Miller, Alec Hardy/Ellie Miller
Series: Domesticated [53]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1550554
Comments: 61
Kudos: 78





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Spoilers for Wonder Woman 84? I guess?

By December 27th, most members of the Hardy family feel as if they’re haunting their own house. The post-Christmas lull combined with freezing temperatures has kept them in close quarters at home. After two days without leaving the house, they’ve become antsy.

Fred offers up the same suggestion he’s been peddling for days. “ _Wonder Woman_! _Wonder Woman_!”

Claustrophobic and desperate for a change of scenery, Alec decides to take them all to the cinema. Except Ellie, who volunteers to stay home with the baby. It’s Daisy’s last day with them and she wants Alec to have all the time with her he possibly can, even quietly in a dark movie theater. Besides, if she stays home, she can sleep when the baby sleeps, an option she finds infinitely appealing at the moment.

From Ellie’s arms, Aila is quite disgruntled to be watching almost her entire family drive away from her. With a deep pout, she pointedly looks at her mother for an explanation. Ellie simply throws her head back and laughs.

At naptime, Ellie brings the baby upstairs to the nursery, but after changing her nappy and putting her in her sleep sack, she has an idea much more appealing than leaving her in her crib.

They fall asleep together in Alec and Ellie’s bed. Both on their backs, both with one arm draped over their heads, mouths slightly open.

Aila is the first to wake, approximately two hours later, and proceeds to slap Ellie’s face until her eyelids flutter open.

“Mummum,” Aila greets her with a triumphant smile. This is _much_ better than waking up alone in her crib and having to call out for attention.

In the living room, Ellie nurses her on the sofa and Aila nearly falls back asleep. Ellie too. The house is absurdly quiet. No one is rushing them. No jealous Fred pestering them. No Alec watching them sneakily from the doorway.

“Just you and me, kid.” Ellie strokes the baby’s cheek lightly with her index finger.

Aila unlatches to say, “ _Kuh_.” Then continues nursing.

When she’s finally had her fill, they move to the floor together. Aila practices taking steps with her baby walker while Ellie lays on the carpet, watching her crash into furniture. Every time the baby plops down onto the floor, Ellie looks at her, nods, and says, “Go on.” So she gets back up.

Ellie loses total track of time this way. She has absolutely no idea how long the rest of the family has been gone.

Then she gets a text from Alec, her mobile buzzing in her back pocket.

**Must tell the kids when we get home.**

Ellie frowns. She waits for his typing bubble to yield another message.

**Tess is fetching Daiz before supper.**

Ellie drops the mobile with a heavy sigh. How on earth had she forgotten that? Yes, they’d planned to tell the kids today, being that her surgery is tomorrow. But she’d thought later on, after supper, perhaps before dessert, so they have something to comfort them after hearing the news. But of course. Daisy and Tess have an overnight flight to Fiji.

She forgets to respond. Aila is suddenly climbing onto her body, then sits, expectantly, right on her bladder.

“Yes?” Ellie questions with a chuckle.

Aila slaps Ellie’s ribcage. “Yoyoyoyoyo.”

“Can I help you with something?”

Aila grins. “Mmmmmmm-muh.”

“Say again?”

Aila leans forward and faceplants onto Ellie’s chest. “Babababba,” she babbles, sound muffled.

Ellie responds by wrapping her arms around the baby, holding her tightly. “That’s my good girl. You are, you’re my good girl.”

Soothed by being held against her mother’s chest and lulled by the sound of her heartbeat, Aila simply lies still, eyes wide open, staring off in a daze.

“Are you Mummy’s sweet bug?”

“Yaya,” Aila replies lazily, drooling on Ellie’s top.

“Yaya,” Ellie agrees, satisfied.

When the rest of the family returns home, Ellie is lying on her stomach on the floor with Aila, playing with the baby’s new toys.

“Who’s that, Aila?” Ellie asks when Aila’s eyes widen at the sound of the front door slamming. “Is that Daddy?”

Aila claps her hands just as Fred’s voice fills the room. “MUMMA!”

“Boots!” Alec calls to him immediately.

There’s a bit of shuffling, then Fred sprints into the living room, boots-less but still with his jacket on, and throws himself into Ellie’s lap.

“Mumma, Captain America was ALIVE,” he tells her. “He was alive and he helped Diana solve the mystery of the stone.”

Tom shuffles into the room with a scoff. “Not really.”

“But then he died again,” Fred admits sadly.

Alec appears in the doorway. Aila crawls over to him and sits on his foot until he scoops her up.

“It was too long,” Daisy announces, coming up behind him.

“Too SHORT,” Fred argues with a pout.

Alec looks down at Aila, who is casually beaming up at him. “Someone needs a nappy change.”

Aila frowns at the word _nappy_. Nothing good ever comes from it.

“Come on,” he says. “Mummy, why don’t join us.”

Ellie pulls a face at him. “Not exactly a two person job, Inspector.”

“ _Upstairs_ ,” he instructs her, turning toward the hall.

Once inside the nursery, Alec closes the door behind them.

“Must do it now,” he says, laying Aila down on the changing table.

Ellie says nothing. She leans back against the wall, folding her arms across her chest. Alec tries to study her all the while changing Aila’s nappy. Aila holds the crinkly bag of wipes, the only part of this process she can accept.

“Has to be you, you know,” Alec tells her. “Has to be mostly you. It’s yours to tell.”

“I know.”

“If we stick to the facts…” He trails off.

“Yeah.”

“That’s all, no need to tell them any more or less than they need to know.” He fastens Aila’s fresh nappy. “It’s not as if we know very much ourselves. So just…give it to them straight.” He pulls Aila’s stretchy trousers back on.

“Yeah, got it,” Ellie replies, like a surly teenager.

He sits Aila up again, taking the bag of wipes from her and putting them away. Aila whines.

“I know, darlin’,” he comforts her, lifting her up and holding her to his hip. Then he looks expectantly at Ellie. “Go on then.”

Downstairs, the kids have already powered up the PS5.

“Controllers down,” Alec announces upon entering the living room.

“What?” Tom retorts. “We just started.”

“Need to have a chat with you all.” Alec switches off the television, leading to a chorus of groans. Then he hands Aila off to Daisy.

Alec and Ellie sit together on the love seat while all four of the children are gathered on the sofa. He reaches for her hand. All the kids are frowning, including Aila, if only to be included.

“….What is this,” Daisy questions suspiciously.

“Oh god,” Tom groans. “You’re not pregnant again, are you?”

“No, no,” Ellie replies quickly. “Nothing like that, I promise you.”

“No no,” Aila agrees helpfully.

Fred suddenly maneuvers onto his knees. “Are we getting a puppy?!”

“No such luck, mate,” Alec replies.

“Wait, has someone died?” Daisy is sitting up straight with alarm now.

Tom’s posture matches hers. “Is Granddad okay?”

Alec looks at Ellie. No more stalling. She takes a deep breath.

“No, loves,” she exhales. “You see, what it is is…it’s, um. The truth is that I…”

Alec squeezes her hand.

“I’ve got cancer.”

The kids’ expressions remain neutral, the shock of it rendering them all speechless.

“Ovarian cancer,” Ellie continues tentatively. “It’s – early stages, they think. We’ve seen a specialist about a week and a half ago. They’re optimistic. But um, there’s still a lot we don’t know.”

Fred is blinking at her helplessly. “Cancer is when you’re very ill. Cancer makes you die sometimes. Like Ryan’s gran.”

“I, um.” Ellie rubs her temple, unable to meet her youngest son’s gaze. “It _can_ do. But it’s also not…”

When she falters, Alec leans forward a bit. “There are millions of cancer survivors out there, new ones every day. It’s not a death sentence by any means. Especially since the doctors’ve caught it early.”

“Isn’t…” Daisy is wringing her hands together in her lap. “Isn’t ovarian cancer one of the bad ones?”

“None of them are good, Daiz,” Alec replies.

“But like one of the harder ones to beat. Like it’s…ovarian cancer, lung cancer, colon cancer. Those are the bad ones.”

Ellie turns her head to stare out the window, her eyes welling up with tears. Alec keeps hold of her hand.

“Don’t think that’s how it works, darlin’,” Alec answers. “Not sure there’s really a…hierarchy of these things. And besides, it’s all about when you catch it. How far gone things are. Ovarian cancer can be hard to detect early, but they’ve done it this time.”

“Hang on.” Tom is rubbing his eyes in consternation. “You saw a specialist _when_? A week and a half ago?”

Daisy picks up what he’s putting down. “So you’ve known about this _how_ long?”

“Um.” Ellie scratches her nose. “Two weeks about.”

Tom’s eyes narrow in on her. “You’ve known for two weeks and you’re just now telling us.”

“It was _Christmas_ ,” Ellie argues. “It was – the worst possible time. Daisy had just come home, we knew we only had a short time with her, and it was…” She looks down at her lap. “Christmas.”

“We needed a bit of time to process things ourselves first,” Alec chimes in. “And to get a sense of where things stand. We didn’t want to bring the news to you until we were closer to gettin’ answers. And the surgery is scheduled for tomorrow, so we’ll soon know much more.”

“The _surgery_ ,” Daisy repeats dubiously. “You’ve having surgery tomorrow?”

“Um.” Ellie nods. “Yeah, just to – well, to remove it. To remove as much as they can, as much as they can find.”

Daisy’s cheeks are going red. Her hands ball into fists in her lap. “You’re having major surgery tomorrow and you were just going to let me leave the _country_ tonight.”

“Daiz…” Alec trails off briefly, considering how best to continue. “There’s no need for you to be there. We’ll phone when it’s all over and we’ll keep you abreast of any information we get as we get it, just like your siblings.”

Aila now begins the process of crawling out of Daisy’s lap. Carefully and with great concentration, she climbs down off the sofa and crawls across the floor to the loveseat. Then she sits at Ellie’s feet, looking up at her with wide, innocent eyes. When Ellie looks down at her, Aila smiles. With a sniffle and blinking back tears, Ellie scoops the baby up and holds her tightly in her lap.

“It didn’t occur to you that I might like to _be_ here, regardless?!” Daisy retorts. “That perhaps it should be up to _me_ and not any of you?”

“And you let us just…stumble blindly through Christmas without knowing, let us act like everything was totally fine and normal,” Tom adds. “Like bloody idiots.”

Fred is somewhere else entirely. “…Does surgery hurt? Can you die from surgery? What does cancer look like? Can I see it?”

“Literally _one hour_ before Mum gets here, you tell us,” Daisy complains. “What am I supposed to do with all this now? Just run off to bloody Fiji like it’s nothing at all?”

“Can I come to your surgery?” Fred asks.

Ellie finally looks at him, her heart leaping out of her chest toward him. “Fred, love…”

Daisy shoots up suddenly, jostling Fred. “This is unbelievable.”

Tom does the same. “Can’t believe you’d keep something like this from us for _two weeks_.”

With a sharpness, Daisy says, “I have to go pack.”

Then she stalks out of the room. Tom follows her. Unsure of what else to do, Fred hops off the sofa and follows them as well. Upstairs, a door slams.

Aila looks up at her mother’s stricken face with concern. “Mummum,” she says.

Ellie squeezes her tight, plants kisses all over her face, then hands her over to Alec. “I’m going for a walk.”

She stands and heads straight for the foyer. With Aila in tow, he follows her.

“It’s freezin’ out,” he tells her.

“I have a bloody jacket,” Ellie scoffs as she puts it on.

“Give us a minute, we’ll join you.”

“No.” She zips up her jacket and grabs her keys.

“At least take your mobile.” He glances around for it.

“Christ, no.”

Then she whips the front door open and bolts outside. Aila and Alec watch her from the doorway, both shivering from the cold air. Aila pats Alec’s chest to get his attention.

“Mummum?”

“She’ll be back, darlin’.” He kisses the top of her head. “She’ll be back.”

________________________

With mild trepidation, Alec trudges up the stairs with Aila in search of his brood. He finds all three of them in Daisy’s room. Her suitcase is indeed out, clothing strewn across the floor, but there is no packing to speak of. They’re all on the bed, Fred sitting between Tom and Daisy. A hush falls over the room when Alec enters.

Aila, entirely oblivious, breaks into a huge smile upon finding them altogether. She claps her hands and says, “Yayaya.” But she is ignored.

“Hey, you lot,” Alec greets them softly, gaze moving warily from kid to kid. “D’you want to, um. Talk about it?”

“Dunno, did you leave anything out?” Tom replies tersely.

Alec sighs heavily, then moves to sit down on the very edge of the bed, careful to still give them some space. Aila crawls out of his lap and over to them.

“It’s all quite complicated,” he tells them. “Been a lot to take on. We never saw it as a…secret we were keepin’, it was more just…takin’ some time to get used to it before – “

“Dad, this surgery thing is _tomorrow_ ,” Daisy states. “You waited until the _literal last minute_ to tell us.”

Alec shakes her head. “That’s only ‘cause of Christmas. We’d have told you sooner if we hadn’t been so worried about ruinin’ it for you all.”

Tom frowns at him. “Don’t you feel like we’ve all had enough secrets in our lifetimes?”

“Yeah,” Alec replies. “I do actually. I _hated_ keepin’ it from you as long as we did. But it was what Ellie was comfortable with and the news was hers to share, not mine.”

“It’s _all_ our news,” Tom argues.

“Uh.” Alec rubs at his temple. “Can see how you’d feel that way and…on some level you’re right, but it’s still _her_ body. Her illness, her life. She’s the one bearin’ the brunt of this. She gets to make all major decisions relatin’ to it. She doesn’t have control over much right now, but we can give her that much at least.”

Fred snuggles against Daisy but his eyes are trained on his father. “Is Mumma gonna die?”

“No,” Alec answers automatically. Then winces a bit. “Lad, no. Not…anytime soon. She’s got excellent doctors and they’re goin’ to do absolutely everythin’ they can to take care of her. She’ll be ill for a while, but…she’ll be all right.”

“But do you _know_ that?” Fred counters.

He sighs again, reaching out to squeeze the boy’s foot. “Well, nobody knows the future, mate. You know that.”

“Where _is_ she?” Daisy asks.

“Gone for a walk.”

Aila crawls back over to her father, unable to commit.

“Listen, you _know_ her,” he tells them. “All of you, you know her, you know how much she loves you, how she always puts you first. She wasn’t trying to hurt you or betray your trust, she was trying to _protect_ you, to take care of you.”

Tom scoffs and turns away. But Alec keeps on.

“But there’s somethin’ you’re all gonna have to understand from now on,” he continues. “You’ll need to accept that she’s not goin’ to be able to do that for a while, to put you first. She’ll need to put as much energy as possible into takin’ care of _herself_. Not just physically but emotionally. Gettin’ better will be her first priority by far, I’ll make certain of it. The rest of us may need to put aside our needs for a bit. To step up, help out. I need you all to help me make it _easy_ for her to put herself first. Understand?”

“So we’re just going to forget the whole _lying to us_ thing now?” Tom says. “Just gonna brush on past that and move on to the next?”

Alec swipes a hand over his face. “Well, what is it you want us to _do_ , Tom?” He asks. “You feel wronged, I hear you, that’s perfectly understandable. But it’s done. What’s left is that you have a mother who is very ill, who needs you to be there for her. There’s not room for all this…righteous indignation.”

“Just get over it, you’re saying.”

“I dunno, no, not – “ He clears his throat. “You don’t have to get over it. You can feel however you need to. But I do need you to move forward all the same. Be cross on your own time but give your best self to your mother when she’s around.” He leans forward, focused on Tom. “I can’t have her agonizin’ over all this, Tom, over you kids and how this all went down. I need her to focus on gettin’ better and she can’t do that if you’re all stompin’ around the house bein’ cranky with her. She’ll go mad.”

Tom looks away again. “She ought to’ve thought of that before she kept us out of the loop for so long.”

Aila smiles up at Alec, as if to cheer him up. “Baba.”

“Right then, fine,” he grumbles in response after a moment. “But I want you to take a moment, just a take a moment and think about how you’d be feelin’ if you were just diagnosed with cancer. What might be goin’ through your mind, what you would do, who you would speak to. Don’t you think you might be a wee bit…mixed up about it all? Don’t you think you might make a questionable decision or two while you were lettin’ it all sink in?” He asks. “Your mother’s not perfect, Tom, you know that as well as anyone. She’s doin’ her best under the worst of circumstances. And not for the first time. So, you know, take some time, fine, get it all sorted for yourself in your own head, but then give her a bloody break, yeah? Think a bit on what’s actually important right now.”

Alec stands, bringing Aila with him. “’m startin’ supper. Daiz, you’d better finish packin’.”

Daisy sits up straight. “Dad, you really think I should still – “

“You’re goin’,” Alec replies firmly. “No use in you mopin’ round here. And your mother will be here any minute.”

________________________

When Tess arrives, Daisy is scrambling to get her things together in the foyer. The family is quiet as they shuffle around and Tess does not quite know what to make of it. At one point, Alec even hands the baby off to his ex-wife, with hardly so much as a word, so he can help Daisy load the boot of the car.

Tess shifts Aila on her hip a bit, adjusting to the feeling of holding a baby again. Aila looks up at her with a close-lipped smile, calm and content and perhaps expecting to be entertained.

“Hi,” Tess says, her brows a bit furrowed. “…Aila,” she adds for good measure.

Aila nods encouragingly. “Ai-ya.”

“Aila?” Tess replies, a smirk appearing her face. “Your name’s _Aila_ , isn’t it.”

The baby nods again. “Ai-ya.”

Then Aila reaches for Tess’ necklace. Tess gently places her hand atop it to keep her from pulling at it. Aila frowns at first, but then shakes her head, as if she understands.

“No no,” she says.

Tess breaks into a real smile then. “That’s right, no no.”

Aila smiles back.

“Clever girl, you are.”

Then Tom appears at Tess’ side. “I can take her.”

Tess hands the baby to him with an odd mixture of both relief and disappointment. As uncomfortable as she might feel interacting with a baby at this moment in her life, she cannot deny that there is something delightful about this one in particular.

“Bah-buh,” Aila says to Tess, from her brother’s arms.

“Bye bye, Aila.”

By the car, Daisy is in close conversation with her father.

“She’s not back,” she says.

Tess approaches them briskly. “We’re waiting on Ellie, are we?” She surmises, then glances at her watch. “Must go in the next few minutes or we’ll never make it.”

Daisy jogs up to the porch to say goodbye to her siblings in the meantime.

“We’ll speak tomorrow,” she assures them. “After.” And they know what she means.

Fred clings to Daisy as if he’ll never let go.

“Mumma won’t die,” Fred says, as if trying to convince himself.

“Course not, Freddie,” Daisy replies emphatically.

“Tell the pilot that you can’t either.”

Daisy and Tom both snort.

“I’ll let him know,” she says.

“Or her!” Fred interjects.

Coming up the hill, a flushed and freezing Ellie begins shuffling faster when she notices everyone gathered by the car.

“Oh thank christ,” Alec mutters under his breath with relief.

“Daisy!” Ellie calls out.

Ellie jogs the rest of the way until she reaches the car, then pulls Daisy into a massive hug.

“Nearly missed us,” Daisy tells her, because she doesn’t know what else to say.

“I’m so sorry,” Ellie replies, as a blanket statement.

The rest of the hug is silent. Alec watches from the porch, hands in his pockets, a tightness in his chest.

When they pull back, Ellie touches Daisy’s cheek and says, “You’ll have yourself an _amazing_ time, promise me.”

Daisy manages a single chuckle while tears threaten to fall. “Phone me tomorrow. After. Time zones are no matter.”

“Course we’ll phone,” Ellie replies. “Keep you informed every step of the way. Promise.” She hugs her again. “I love you.”

Daisy buries her face in Ellie’s neck. “Love you.”

“All right, go on then. All smiles please, you’re off to soak up the sun.”

Tess watches suspiciously as Ellie guides Daisy into the car.

“Safe travels,” Ellie says to Tess with a wave, suddenly cheerful. “Have a marvelous time!”

Then she blows Daisy a kiss before joining the rest of her family on the porch. Aila reaches out for her mother and Tom shifts her over. Fred suddenly clings to her leg.

Alec leans toward her. “All right?”

She nods. “Mm-hmm.”

Aila watches her family waving at the car as it pulls backwards out of the drive.

“Bah-buh!” She calls out, flicking her wrist in its direction. Then she looks up at her mother. “Da-ay?”

“That’s Daisy off, little bug,” Ellie replies, kissing her forehead. “We’ll see her again soon, don’t you fret.”

“Da-ay,” Aila confirms.

“All right, you lot, in you go.” She ushers the rest of them inside. “Bloody freezing out here.”

________________________

Everyone is quiet at supper. Between the news of Ellie’s illness and Daisy’s departure, a pall has been cast over them and in this family, when there’s too much to say, it often leads to saying nothing at all.

Alec has prepared a tried and true favourite for his brood, knowing that today is one where they’ll need comfort and not a time to insist upon some exotic new vegetable-forward recipe. Tonight’s meal is pan-fried chicken thighs, macaroni and cheese, and roasted broccoli with a bit too much olive oil for his own liking. Aila eats more broccoli than anyone else at the table, smashing handfuls into her mouth and then licking her own hands.

The first time anyone speaks, it’s Fred requesting more mac and cheese.

“Have a few more bites of broccoli there, lad,” Alec tells him. “Then you can have more mac and cheese.”

Fred sighs heavily, adding more salt to his broccoli before acquiescing.

Even Ellie picks at her food but gives most of her attention to the protein on her plate, which does not go unnoticed by her husband.

“Mum.” It’s Tom.

Her head snaps up. “Yes, love.”

“What’s the surgery actually _for_?”

Alec actually finds himself quite relieved for the opportunity to relay more information to them.

“Well.” Ellie exhales. “They’ll go in and remove whatever cancerous tissue they can find. The ‘masses,’ they call them. Basically the tumors.”

“Multiple tumors?”

She pushes her broccoli back and forth on her plate and nods. “They think there are two,” she answers. “So they’ll remove whatever cancer they can find. And take a look around to see if there’s more they couldn’t see before. Give us a sense of what’s next, what still needs to be done.”

“How long does it take?” Fred asks, grateful for the excuse to put down his fork and stop eating his broccoli.

“The surgery? Dunno actually.” Ellie looks at Alec, as if he somehow knows.

“Few hours, I reckon, mate,” he replies.

“Will we go too?”

“Ah, no, you’ll stay here,” Alec says. “Your aunt Lucy gets back tonight, she’ll stay with you tomorrow while your mum and I are in Southampton.”

Fred uses his index finger to swipe some cheese off her plate and into his mouth, causing both his parents to frown. “Will you be home for bedtime?”

“Your dad will,” Ellie answers. “I’ll have to stay overnight.”

Alec turns his frown to _her_ now. Over his dead body will she stay overnight in hospital by herself. But that’s a discussion for later.

Aila outstretches both her arms, reaching for the broccoli on Ellie’s plate. Ellie happily scoops some onto Aila’s tray. Aila grins happily. “Mummum.”

“Broccoli,” Ellie says to her emphatically.

“Baba.”

“ _Broccoli.”_

“Bah…eee.”

“Good enough.”

Tom puts down his fork and reaches for his water glass. “So when will you know? Like how successful the surgery was. What the next steps are.”

“The next day, I imagine,” Ellie replies. “They’ll do some scans and we’ll go from there.”

“Does it hurt?” Fred asks.

Ellie smiles. “I’ll be asleep, love. They’ll knock me right out, I won’t feel a thing.”

“Will I be able to FaceTime you?”

“Yes, my love.” She serves him another spoonful of mac and cheese, causing Alec to sigh quietly. “We’ll FaceTime before bed and then you’ll see me the next day.”

“Okay.” Fred digs into his mac and cheese, satisfied.

Aila holds out a fistful of chicken to Ellie. “Mummum.”

Ellie blinks at her. “…Thank you.”

________________________

As they clear the table, Alec announces that David will be joining them for dessert, which is clearly news to Ellie. One look at him and it’s clear the reason why. But she does not have time to be annoyed.

Dessert is a fruit pie and David arrives just as Fred is about to burst with anticipation from staring at it. Aila sits on her grandfather’s lap as they sit at the dining room table. Alec deftly directs the conversation, careful to keep the children from spilling the beans too soon. Fred chatters away about _Wonder Woman_ , thanks to Alec’s careful prompting, and David is mostly occupied with the fact that Aila keeps sticking her index finger into his pie. Each time she does it, she giggles infectiously.

It’s not long before Alec sweeps in to scoop up Aila, as it is her bedtime, and the boys eagerly disappear into the living room to play their shiny new PS5. And, more than likely, to forget.

David and Ellie are left alone at the table.

“So, what is it then?” David asks, crossing one leg over the other and turning to his daughter. “Suspect there must be a _reason_ I’ve been invited to dessert.”

“Have my sainted husband to thank for that,” Ellie replies with a hint of bitterness.

“What’s happened then? Is it your sister?” He’s frowning. “What’s she done?”

“No, no, Dad.” Ellie rubs her temples, leaning forward, elbows on knees. “It’s me actually. Please don’t fly off the handle when I tell you this.”

He frowns harder. “Tell me what.”

“I’ve got cancer.” Ellie meets his gaze with surprising steadiness. “Ovarian cancer. Stage two, quite early for this kind. Got surgery tomorrow to remove it.”

David’s eyes are wide, his brows narrowed, his lips slightly parted.

“….Cancer.”

Ellie nods. “The doctors are optimistic.”

He appears utterly befuddled. “You have _cancer_.”

“Yes, Dad.”

“You.”

“Me.”

Ellie slides her glass of water toward him. She keeps nudging it until he takes a sip.

“But you’ve just had a baby,” he says finally.

Ellie blinks at him. “Nearly a year ago now.”

“And you’re – “ He looks up. “You’re only forty-three.”

“I’m forty-four.”

He shakes his head, rubbing his temple. “Right, well, even so.”

“Listen.” She leans forward again, placing a hand on his knee. “It’s a lot to process and there’s no need to sort through it all now. I’d offer you more information but I’m afraid there isn’t a great deal of it at the moment. The bulk of it will come after the surgery. I promise Alec and I will be as forthcoming as possible, we’ll not keep you in the dark. But for now just know that it’s happening and it bloody _sucks_ and it’ll be all right in the end. That’s the best I can do for you.”

David opens and closes his mouth in quick succession. He observes her quietly for a moment, studying her face and her body language.

“…You all right?”

Ellie hesitates, then gives him a nod and a reassuring smile. “I’m all right.”

“D’you need anything?”

She squeezes his knee. “No. I’m just fine, Dad, really. A bit of help with the kids, perhaps. But naught otherwise.”

He nods enthusiastically, swallowing back tears in the process. “’Course. Surgery’s tomorrow?”

“Yes,” Ellie answers. “Lucy’s back tonight, she’ll spend most of tomorrow with the kids. Be nice if you two could switch off. I’ve a feeling Alec will insist upon doing the whole night with me in hospital.”

“Right, yeah. I’ll sort it all with your sister, don’t give it another thought.”

She smiles warmly. “Thank you.”

________________________

Instead of the usual bedtime routine, Fred manages to get several books read to him without having to read any himself. Lying in bed, he snuggles up with Ellie and they go through _five_ Mo Willems pigeon books before a line is finally drawn.

“Right, that’s enough, then,” Ellie says, gently snapping the book shut.

“Mumma.” Fred looks up at her with his big brown eyes. “After tomorrow, will you still be poorly?”

Ellie nods slowly, considering her answer. “Cancer takes a long time to treat. But I’ll be better again before you know it.”

“Will you have to go away a lot?”

“No, little love,” she replies, squeezing him against her and kissing the top of his head. “Now and then there might be an overnight in hospital, but not very often, I’d think. There will probably be days when I stay in bed for hours and hours, maybe the whole day and night. But I’ll be here.”

“Okay.” He yawns. “Will Daddy be sad?”

She runs a gentle hand through his hair. “Sometimes he might be. You’ll have to cheer him up, won’t you?”

Fred nods obediently. “Tom and I can look after Ailie.”

Ellie chuckles then bites her lip. “That’s very generous of you, love, but I doubt it’ll be necessary.”

“Ailie’s too small to understand.”

“That’s true, she won’t know what’s going on,” Ellie agrees. “Reckon she’ll be able to sense something. But we can’t explain it to her. So you might consider being a bit kinder to her…”

Fred looks up at her with a frown. “I’m kind to her!”

“You can be a bit short with her, love. A bit impatient.”

Fred groans and turns his face into her chest. “’Cause she’s always _in the way_.”

“You need to remember that Tom felt the same way about _you_ when you were a baby,” she reminds him. “It’s not her fault. Being a baby is quite difficult you know. There’s so much they don’t understand. And so much they can’t communicate. Imagine how hard your life would be if you couldn’t _speak_. If you couldn’t tell us what you needed or wanted.”

“Yeah.” He yawns again. “I’ll try, Mumma.”

“Good boy.” She kisses his forehead. “To sleep with you now.”

________________________

When he finally retreats to the bedroom, Alec finds Ellie soaking in the bathtub. No music, no podcasts, just the sound of water and deep breaths.

He stands in the doorway, leaning against the frame. “Need anythin’?”

“No.” Her eyes are closed, her toes poking out of the water.

“Sorry about the ambush.”

“Mm.”

“But you needed to tell him before the surgery,” Alec says.

“Mm-hm.” Grudgingly, she opens her eyes and turns her head in his direction. “We need to be careful about this. You were right, yes, I needed to tell the kids today, I needed to tell Dad. But it can’t be all…you deciding you know what’s best for me and going ahead with it. Even if you’re right, even if you do. I’ll resent you before too long.”

He nods, slipping his hands into his trouser pockets. “Right.”

“I know you’re scared. And I know you’re frustrated with me sometimes. But that’s not going to end any time soon,” she tells him. “We need to keep being partners, despite your frustration and my…stubbornness. Knowing the right thing to do isn’t always the same thing as _doing_ it and it’s all right to give me a push now and then but you can’t…do it _for_ me. Understand?”

“Yeah. I know.” He stares down at his shoes.

She studies him briefly then says, “Okay.” She turns her head back and closes her eyes again, dipping her toes back under the water.

________________________

In bed, he cannot keep his hands off her. Every cell inside him seems to be reaching out for her. She indulges him for a while, as she often has in the past. Lets him stroke and knead and breathe her in. She keeps a supportive hand at his back or in his hair. He presses his face into the skin below her belly button and just breathes. Breathes steadily until she wonders if he might have fallen asleep. But then his lips begin to traverse her body again.

“There’ll be a scar here,” he mumbles as he kisses his way back up her sternum.

“Yes,” she replies with a sigh.

He’d always been drawn there, to that part of her, just beneath her belly button. Has spent an inordinate amount of time there. And now he wonders if he somehow knew. Or if some higher power knew and drew him there on purpose.

With his head now between her breasts, he glances up at her, his eyes gleaming a bit. “Remember when Aila was there?”

She smiles and refrains from rolling her eyes. “I do.”

His face forms a pout. “How is she so big now?”

“Biology is cruel,” she replies.

He continues slinking up her body until he’s laying at her side, face to face with her.

“You ready? For tomorrow.”

She runs her fingertips from his temple down to his jawline. “Are _you_?”

“Think so, actually,” he replies, though it’s clear he’s steeling himself. “Can’t bloody wait to get that stuff out of you. I want it gone.”

“Gone _-ish_.”

“I’ll take what I can get.”

He kisses her shoulder then tucks his head underneath her chin, his body half covering hers. He yawns and pulls the duvet up around them.

“This bed’ll be empty tomorrow.”

“Not for long,” she replies coolly. “I promise you that.”

***


	2. Chapter 2

Lucy arrives promptly for perhaps the first time in her life.

Ellie is running behind, walking and slipping on her shoes at the same time. In the living room, Alec has made certain that Fred and Tom are engrossed in a video game when they leave. It’ll be much easier, for all of them, if the boys are distracted. Ellie is prone to tearful goodbyes and dramatic departures but that’s not what any of them actually need right now.

After setting her overnight bag down in the foyer, Ellie greets her sister. They don’t say much. There’s too much pressure and it’s all far too stressful.

“Copenhagen was good?” Ellie asks.

“Yeah, great,” Lucy replies with a nonchalant shrug. “Not quite like a Barrett family Christmas but new traditions never hurt anyone.”

Aila crawls into the hall from the living room. Sitting at Ellie’s feet, she holds out her arms, flexing her fingers at her eagerly.

“Ah, there’s my girl.” Ellie scoops her up.

“Thought she was walking now,” Lucy says, with a raised eyebrow.

“She _can_ do,” Ellie replies, somewhat defensively. “But it’s not second nature to her yet. Crawling is faster and she’s quite single-minded you know.” Aila lays her head on Ellie’s shoulder with a yawn. “She should go down for her nap within thirty minutes or so.”

Lucy nods. “Right.”

Alec sweeps in holding Ellie’s jacket. “Best get on.”

Aila takes one look at Ellie’s jacket and frowns. She’s come to understand what _jackets_ mean. “No no,” she complains.

“Yes yes.” Ellie smooches her forehead. “Mummy and Daddy are off. You be good for your aunt Lucy.”

Aila shakes her head. “No no.”

Lucy grimaces. “Bit young to have a case of the _no’s_ , isn’t she?”

“She’s noticed it gets a rise out of people,” Alec explains. “But I think she’s picked up on what it actually means the last couple days.”

“ _Fun_ ,” Lucy sighs.

“Boys.” Ellie pops her head into the living room. “We’re off.”

“Okay,” Tom and Fred both reply simultaneously, focused on the television screen.

“Good luck,” Tom adds.

Fred finally glances over at her. “I need a Facetime before bed!”

“You’ll have it,” Ellie agrees.

Alec smiles. His plan has worked. They swap a jacket for a baby so she can puts her on. Aila looks up at her father with a very familiar grumpy face.

“You’re all right, darlin’,” he assures her.

“Mummum,” she says, then twists her body back toward Ellie, holding her arms out again.

After zipping up her jacket, Ellie takes the baby back. “I’ll see you tomorrow, my sweet girl.” She leaves kisses all over her face until she starts to giggle. “You’ll have a lovely time with Auntie Lucy and Granddad. All the sweets you can eat.”

“Absolutely not,” Lucy insists. “I’ll not have them up all night. Far too jet lagged for that.”

“She’s a right pushover,” Ellie tells Aila, squeezing her tight. “Don’t you worry.”

Aila gets a tight grip on Ellie’s jacket. “No no.”

“Come on, bug, Daddy will be back in a few hours.” She starts to hand Aila over to Lucy, but Aila tightens her legs around Ellie. “You are far too perceptive, little girl. Go on now.”

Together, Ellie and Lucy extricate Aila from Ellie’s arms, causing her to start spewing out little cries and disgruntled noises.

“I know, baby.” Ellie brushes Aila’s hair out of her face. “I’ll see you soon.”

As her parents head for the door, Aila holds an arm out to wave at them. It’s habit, now ingrained in her, and she cannot help saying, “Bah-buh.” Though it’s pitiful and strained.

“Bye bye, baby,” Ellie coos back at her, fighting back her own tears.

“Just one night,” Alec reminds her, ushering her out the door.

“Mummum,” Aila whines.

Alec closes the door behind them as they step out onto the porch. Ellie is frowning at him unhappily.

“Can’t be late,” he says. “You know that.”

She sighs dramatically and pushes past him toward the car.

_________________________

Thanks to a feeling of urgency Alec could not shake, they arrive at the hospital early. In the waiting room – of a modern but bland greyscale design – they sit side by side. In the silence, Alec takes her hand, curling their fingers together and squeezing tightly.

This prompts her, at last, to speak.

“You might do well to get out a bit. Explore the area. Get a coffee or something.”

He looks at her like she’s just told him to fuck right off. “Not leavin’ this buildin’ ‘til it’s over.”

She sighs and goes quiet again.

“What if someone comes out to find me and I’m not here?” He argues. “Can you imagine? ‘Mr. Hardy? Mr. Hardy?’ and then…nothin’. No, absolutely not, I’ll be here.”

“Fine.” She crosses one leg over the other. “Get the kids pizza tonight. Don’t try to force anything healthy on them please, just let them be. Order it as you leave the hospital and pick it up on your way home,” she tells him. “Get some of the garlic bread Aila likes.”

He blinks at her.

“Lucy will be off straight away I reckon, she’ll be wanting to sleep off her jet lag. Dad will be ‘round by eight, once you’ve put Fred down,” she continues, gaze fixed on the door through which she’ll soon be disappearing. “After you put Aila down, try to get the boys to chat with you. No video games. And then remember to FaceTime me when it’s Fred’s turn, but do me a favour and text me a warning first so I don’t miss it.”

“…Ellie.”

“Tom will be broody so tell him he can go see Chelsea or whomever after Fred’s down. He need not mope around the house with Dad all night. Dad’ll do better if he switches on the telly and zones out for a while.” She breathes in then lets it out slowly. “Oh, and save me some bloody pizza, will you? Don’t forget. The food here’ll be rubbish. Maybe pick me up a KitKat or something on the way.” She uncrosses and recrosses her legs, the other way this time. “Don’t forget to phone Daisy but not while you’re in the car. You’re a disaster at multi-tasking.”

He takes his hand back, leaning away and folding his arms across his chest. “Anythin’ else?”

“And don’t needle away at the doctors. Let them do their jobs. If they have something to tell us, they will,” she adds. “Do not get on the bad side of these nurses, this is only the beginning of our time here, I’ll not have you turning them against us at this early hour.”

“ _El_.” He covers her hand with his again. “I’ve got it.”

She nods curtly. “Good.”

A nurse appears in the doorway with a clipboard and glances around. “Ellie Hardy?”

Ellie shoots up straight away. Alec gets to his feet much slower. He walks with her to the door, carrying her overnight bag, then hands it to her.

“You can come along with me,” the nurse says with a polite smile.

Alec squeezes her arm then leans in to kiss her briefly. “All right?”

“’Course.” She pats his cheek and gives him a reassuring smile. “See you in a while.”

He nods uncertainly then kisses her again. “I love you.”

The nurse, now impatient, holds the door open for Ellie. As she walks through it, Ellie calls back behind her, “Love you.”

He hears the words echo in his ears as she disappears from view.

_________________________

It gnaws at him, just the idea of her alone on the other side of that door. Sitting on the edge of the exam table listening to the doctors and nurses, trying to absorb the heaps of information being thrown at her. Changing into her hospital gown. Then sitting alone in the chilly exam room, waiting. Being hooked up to IVs and what have you. Then wheeled into the surgical theater without anyone to hold her hand.

He understands that it would be a nuisance, having a concerned husband constantly underfoot, asking questions, moving out of the way, tripping over things. But surely if it would bring the patient even a modicum of comfort, it would be worth it.

He shakes it off. He reminds himself, as he’s had to do many times, that the medical professionals know what they’re doing. Rules exist for a reason, not to be arbitrary.

Soon the anesthesia will take over and Ellie will be unaware of her aloneness and when it’s over, none of it will matter. All that matters is that the operation is a success. All that matters is that they get it all out of her.

_________________________

After she puts Aila down for her nap, Lucy jogs back downstairs to find Fred watching _Octonauts_ in the living room on his own.

“Where’s your brother?” She questions from the doorway.

“He put on _Octonauts_ ‘cause I was _annoying him_ ,” Fred explains succinctly, without tearing his gaze from the telly.

That doesn’t answer her question, she thinks, but rather than press the matter any further, she retreats to the kitchen for a cuppa. Which is where she finds Tom, with a cuppa of his own.

“Needed a break, eh?”

Tom looks up from his mobile. “He was getting kinda squirrely.”

Lucy chuckles and switches the kettle back on. “’s how I used to feel about your mother sometimes,” she replies. “’Cept we didn’t have kid shows on tap the way we do now. This on demand streaming life has improved the lives of older siblings in oh so many ways.”

“Mum wasn’t a whole decade younger than you,” Tom notes.

Lucy drops a teabag into a mug. “Was a whole _six years_ younger. Not so far off really.”

“I realized the other day that by the time Aila gets annoying I won’t even live here anymore.” He takes a sip of his tea. “Bit weird.”

“Mm.” She nods. “You and Daiz will have to work extra hard to keep up your relationship with her. It’ll be all too easy to grow apart when you’ve not grown up in the same house all your lives. Like Alec and Greer.”

“I’ll probably feel like an uncle to her or something,” Tom replies. “But she and Fred will grow up together at least. Mostly.”

Lucy pours the hot water. “Can you imagine – she’ll only be twelve when Fred leaves the house and then she’ll be entirely on her own with your parents. No buffers.” She snorts. “She’ll have their _full_ attention, poor girl.”

Tom smirks into his tea then suddenly grows somber. “If it all --- works out, anyway.”

Lucy squints at him, leaning against the counter and raising her mug to her lips. “What d’you mean?”

“If Mum – you know. I mean, if she comes through this all right.”

Her frown remains. “She will.” She walks over to the table and nudges him before sitting down. “Hey. She will.”

Tom nods to himself, though unconvinced. “They only told us yesterday. Did you know that?”

“…No. Sorry.” She leans back and crosses one leg over the other. “That’s shit. But it _was_ Christmas, wasn’t it.”

Tom narrows his eyes at her. “So?”

“So, imagine if this Christmas was her _last_. Wouldn’t you be glad you had a happy one?”

“You just said she’ll be all right.”

“I know, but – “ Lucy sighs. “I see both sides. That’s all I’m saying.”

Tom rubs his temples. “Just don’t like the idea of her and Alec keeping things from us. You know? Like it’s them against everyone else. They sort things out in their little…bubble and forget that we have a right to be involved as well.”

“Mm. Don’t think that’s it,” Lucy replies, though she nods. “It’s just – you know, this is how married people are. They don’t think they’re _keeping_ things from you, they just…it works best for them if they deal with it together first. They feel better that way.”

“Really bloody annoying.”

“I know.” Lucy sips her tea. “It’s harder for you now. Daiz gone. Isn’t it?”

Tom shrugs, leaning into his angsty teenager persona. “It’s fine.”

She smirks at him over the rim of her mug. “Right, yeah, fine.”

“Do think it’s a bit rude she gets to go off to sodding _Fiji_.”

“S’pose having divorced parents isn’t _all_ bad, is it,” Lucy laughs.

_________________________

Alec has paced the length of the waiting room more times than he could possibly count. He’s already reached the step goal on his new Apple Watch without even leaving the hospital. He thinks, a bit ruefully, about how he’ll _definitely_ beat Ellie today.

Hours have passed. He’d brought along a book but cannot seem to focus for more than a few sentences at a time. He scrolls aimlessly on his mobile. He deletes hundreds of old emails from his inbox. Much easier to do now – none of that rubbish matters much to him at this point. His priorities are even clearer now than they were before.

Every time a nurse or a doctor appears in the doorway, everyone in the waiting room looks up at once. It’s become quite comical to him over time. In a morbid sort of way.

Then finally it’s his turn.

“Mr. Hardy?”

He jumps up, all but dropping his mobile in the process. He grabs his things haphazardly and follows a nurse behind the door, which has grown ever mysterious over the last few hours.

“How is she?”

“She’s just fine,” the nurse replies coolly. “Dr. Waverly will be ‘round to check in soon, but for now, you’re welcome to sit with her. She’s not yet woken up from the anesthesia, mind you.”

Ellie is sharing a post-op room with three other patients, separated by privacy curtains. Her bed is the one closest to the window. A gift from whatever higher power is out there, he thinks.

The nurse leaves him without any further instruction. He stands at the foot of Ellie’s bed a bit dumbfounded for a while.

He’s seen her in a hospital bed three times. Once early in their relationship when she was injured in the line of duty – eleven stitches, he’ll not forget. Then when she was in labour with Aila. And now.

He doesn’t much care for it, if he’s being honest.

She looks peaceful, at least, this time.

But no sooner does he think this than he is darting out of the room to get her another blanket. Hospitals are so _cold_. People who work in hospitals don’t seem to understand how _cold_ it is, lying in a stiff hospital bed, in a hospital gown, shivering incessantly. He won’t have her shivering when she wakes. Her first thought will _not_ be, “Fuck, it’s cold.” Not on his watch.

She’s mercifully still asleep when he returns with the blanket and covers her with it, gently tucking it around her body. She stirs a bit at the contact but does not wake.

There’s a chair pushed into a corner. He drags it over, as close to her bed as he can get it. He settles into it, then reaches for her hand. It’s cold and it infuriates him but he chooses not to let the feeling overwhelm him. Ellie had been very clear that he was not to pester the nurses. Frightening how well she knows him.

He’ll warm it up himself. That’s what husbands are for anyway, aren’t they. They do the warming.

Restraint is his greatest struggle in the moment. There are many things he’d like to do, say, complain about, see to. For one he has a perverse desire to see her surgical scar. But he’ll wait until she wakes. Last thing she needs is to wake up to find him peering underneath her gown like peeping tom. Though he does chuckle a bit at the thought of what her reaction might be.

Fuck. He should have brought her grapes.

Bloody hell.

He considers darting out quickly but he can’t risk her waking up to find him not there. He could bring some back with him after supper, but it’ll be too late by then. The moment will have gone.

Confound it all.

She begins to stir and he moves from the chair to the edge of her bed, without letting go of her hand. Her eyelids flutter open and she smiles when she sees him.

Then she looks around.

“Where’re my grapes?”

Alec lets out a breath, part exhalation of relief, part laughter. His first thought is that he’s missed her. It’s unbelievably strange. She’s been in surgery, what, four hours, and he’s missed her.

“I’ll make it up to you,” he says.

“You’d better.”

He bends forward and kisses her hand. “How d’you feel? In any pain?”

Ellie shakes her head groggily. “Feel quite nice actually.”

“Bit loopy?”

She nods, her smile widening into a grin.

“Look at you, you have such a handsome face.” She reaches out with her free hand to cup his cheek. “You’ll be a very distinguished grey.”

His face suddenly contorts into a frown. “What?”

She purses her lips sheepishly. “Got two whole grey hairs you know.”

He stares at her.

“Been keeping that to myself the last week.”

Alec runs a hand through his hair instinctively. “Where.”

“Not telling.”

“Wicked woman.”

She nods. “Uh huh.”

Then he clears his throat. “Do you, um. D’you feel different? …Lighter?” _Healthier_?

“Hm.” She pauses a moment, deep in thought. “No.”

His face falls. He’s not sure exactly what he’d _hoped_ for her to say, but _no_ probably wasn’t on the list.

“…You want to see it, don’t you?” She asks.

“…Well.”

She smiles. “Go on then.”

Gently, he lifts the blanket, then pulls back her hospital gown to see the scar below her belly button. She tries to sit up a bit to see but is too woozy to keep it up for long.

“How’s it look?”

He glances up at her. “…Covered in gauze.”

“Oh. Well, surely you can sneak a peek if you put it back?”

“Better leave it.” He pats the gauze. “Don’t want to take any chances.”

“Chicken.”

“When it comes to your health…”

“I know, I know.”

He covers her with the blanket against just as Dr. Waverly enters the room.

“Ah, hello there,” she greets them both brightly. “Good to see you awake, Ellie. Feel all right?”

Ellie nods. “Fine, thanks.”

“How did it go?” Alec asks eagerly, straightening his spine.

“Went very well,” she answers confidently. “We got everything we came for. Didn’t spot anything new or unexpected. But we’ll know more after we do your scans in the morning.”

Alec is frowning. “Know more about what?”

“The scans will tell us about next steps. How soon we need to begin radiation, for how long, etc.”

“But if you got everything, is radiation really necessary?”

Dr. Waverly folds her arms across her front. “Radiation kills, or attempts to kill, the cancerous cells left in Ellie’s body, which cannot be surgically removed. Whatever happens, she’ll need to have radiation, at minimum, and she’ll need to have a hysterectomy. As discussed. We don’t want to take any chances.”

Ellie smirks at her husband.

“…Ah, right.” He nods. “No chances.”

Dr. Waverly returns her attention to her patient. “Right then, Ellie, the nurses will take good care of you overnight. Get some rest. Eat something. Plenty of fluids. We’ll do your scans first thing in the morning.”

Alec leans forward. “We can’t do them now?”

“In the morning,” Dr. Waverly replies, with strained patience.

“Right.”

“Thank you, Doctor,” Ellie says.

In silence, they both watch until Dr. Waverly is out of sight. Then Alec turns back to his wife.

“Don’t see why they can’t do them now.”

Ellie scoffs. “Possibly ‘cause you’re not a bloody doctor.”

Alec sighs heavily and rubs a hand over his face. Then he notices Ellie’s eyes sparkling at him.

“Hey,” she says. “I’ve got a good scar now too.” She had an odd, mischievous grin on her face. “Soon I’ll have more than one.”

“…Yes, you win.”

“I’m just sayin’, you’re not the only one with street cred around here.”

Alec raises an eyebrow at her. “With _what_ around here?”

“You heard me, Inspector.”

He shakes his head and brings her hand to his lips again. “I’m sure your scar will be very nice.”

“Nice as yours.”

“Nice as mine.”

Her free hand finds his. All hands now entangled.

“Was quite lovely waking up to you here, you know,” Ellie tells him.

“Always wake up to me,” he counters with an odd defiance.

“I know, but here. While I'm all hooked up to tubes and needles and whatnot, in an anesthetic haze, freezing in this hospital bed,” she explains. “Especially lovely to wake up to you. Thank you.”

“Christ, don’t have to _thank me_ , Ellie.” He looks down at her lap.

She squeezes both his hands. “You’re a good husband.”

He looks up as if startled. “Eh?”

“You _heard_ me.”

He bends down suddenly, resting his head on her shoulder. She kisses his forehead.

“Hated you bein’ under the knife like that. No way to reach you. No way to touch you,” he says quietly. “The idea that one false move and that knife could slice through something it shouldn’t…” He breathes out. “Don’t like it.”

“You like to be in control,” Ellie replies calmly.

“Don’t trust anyone else.”

She kisses his forehead again. “Need to trust Dr. Waverly, love. We’ll both go mad otherwise.”

“I know.”

“And until you get your medical degree, you’ve little choice in the matter.”

“Hmpf.”

“You should get on,” Ellie says suddenly, feeling herself sliding into an emotional place she’d prefer not to visit. “Get back to the kids. It’s nearly supper time.”

He raises up to so he can look at her. “How do _you_ know what time it is?”

She sighs. “Go please. Get pizza. Relieve Luce. Cuddle our baby, reassure our boys, ring Daisy. And for god’s sakes, eat something, I know you haven’t in ages.”

He hesitates, but the earnest and determined expression on her face keeps him from fighting her. “…I’ll just be a few hours.”

“I know.”

“I’ll bring back something fried.”

“You bloody well will.”

He leans down and kisses her lips, lingering for perhaps a bit too long. “I love you.”

“I love you too,” she reciprocates. “Now go.”

_________________________

Aila stands at the living room window. On her tiptoes, she holds tightly to the sill, peering over it in an attempt to see outside the glass. Lucy snickers at her while Fred vies for his aunt’s attention.

“ _Auntie Lucy._ ”

“Sorry, it’s a bit funny,” Lucy replies. “You used to do the same thing, you know.”

“Do what?” Fred asks from where he sits on the floor.

“Glue yourself to the window. But in your case, I think you just liked watching the cars go by. And if there was a _truck_ , oh lord help us, you’d be out of your mind.”

Fred moves onto his knees, always enthusiastic to hear stories about himself.

“Not so in your sister’s case, I don’t think. Can’t see the main road from here. She’s waitin’ on your parents, she is.”

Fred ignores this last bit. “I liked the trucks?”

“Oh, ‘course. Every kind of lorry there is. And plows and tractors and cranes…couldn’t get enough.”

Aila loses her grip of the windowsill and plops onto the floor.

“Chin up, gal, give it another go,” Lucy calls out to her.

With a frown of deep concentration, Aila hoists herself up again.

“There she goes, she’s got it.” Then she looks at Fred. “Oh and you loved it when they fixed the power lines…those lifts they use to get the electrical workers up.”

A car appears at the end of the long drive. The sound of the engine grabbing everyone’s attention. Aila starts bouncing up and down.

“Ah, that’ll be your dad, won’t it,” Lucy says, craning her neck to see out the window.

“A- _da_ -da!” Aila shrieks.

Fred runs over to the window, dislodging his sister. She plops onto the floor again with a disgruntled moan.

“It’s Daddy,” Fred confirms.

Aila begins crawling her way toward the hallway, anticipating her father’s entrance. When she hears the car door slam, she says again, “A-da-da” and looks at Lucy for confirmation. Fred zooms past her into the foyer.

“No, no,” Aila chides him.

Lucy snorts loudly, watching it all go down.

“Daddy!” Fred cries out as Alec enters the house.

In the foyer, he puts two boxes of pizza down on the hall table, then stamps his boots on the mat and divests himself of his coat.

“Hey there, lad.”

“PIZZA!” Fred springs himself into Alec’s arms. “Where’s Mumma?”

“You know where she is, mate, we talked about this,” Alec replies, shifting his weight. “She’ll be in hospital overnight.” He kisses the side of Fred’s head, then lowers him down again.

“Is the surgery done?”

“Surgery’s done,” Alec confirms, striding down the hall toward the living room, where he nearly collides with Aila. “Heya, darlin’.”

“Dada,” she says triumphantly, grinning up at him.

He scoops her up. “There’s my wee lass.”

Aila immediately lays her head at his shoulder contentedly, gripping his jumper tightly. He kisses the top of her head several times.

“How’s it gone?” Lucy now stands before him, arms folded across her chest, an expression of weary concern on her face. “She all right?”

“She’s fine,” Alec replies steadily. “She’s awake, just as herself as she’s ever been, and the doctor deemed it a great success.”

“So Mumma is better now?” Fred asks.

“Well, not yet. Still loads of treatment to come, but she’s doing as well as she _possibly_ could be in this moment,” Alec tells him. “So we need to be grateful for that much.”

“Did the surgery hurt?”

“Nah, she was knocked out the whole time, didn’t feel a thing.”

Aila brings a fistful of Alec’s jumper into her mouth possessively. “Dada.”

“Where’s Tom?”

“Ah, I let him go off to Chelsea’s,” Lucy informs him. “He was just wasting away in this house – and this one – “ Lucy surreptitiously gestures at Fred. “ – wasn’t helping things.”

“Did you get a plain cheese?” Fred questions, remembering the pizza.

“A plain cheese and a supreme for those of us with a more discerning palate,” Alec replies. “Luce, you wanna stay for a slice?”

“Thanks, I need to get on. I’ve got a good twelve hour kip in my future, I reckon,” she replies, heading for the foyer.

“I’m gonna get the pizza!” Fred exclaims.

“ _Careful_ ,” Alec warns him. “And don’t tuck in yet. Let’s get Tom home first.” He pulls his mobile out of his pocket to compose a text.

“Keep me apprised of things now,” Lucy insists as she dons her jacket. “And I can come back if you need me.”

“Should be just fine, thanks, your dad’s takin’ over this evenin’.”

“Taking over for what?” Fred asks, slowing walking down the hall, concentrating on the precious pizza boxes in his hands. “Are you going away again?”

“Yeah, mate.” He finishes the text and pockets his mobile again. “Got to get back to your mum after supper. We’ll both be back in the mornin’.”

Lucy says her goodbyes to the three of them, then sets off.

_________________________

Fred helps Alec prepare a salad while they wait for Tom to return home. The boys won’t eat it, of course. But Alec will. And Aila will. As long as it has tomatoes in it.

Supper is a largely quiet affair. Without Ellie around to direct and steer conversation, it alternates between total quiet and Fred’s incessant, unfiltered chattering. Alec tries to stay engaged as much as possible while Tom makes little attempt. Aila nods along, listening to her brother with rapt attention, or at least determined to _look_ like she is. On the tray of her highchair are a number of cherry tomatoes and ripped up pieces of pizza, therefore she is happy.

When he’s had his fill of pizza, Tom finally speaks.

“Is there like, a timeline?”

Alec looks up, startled. “Timeline?”

“Of when she’s supposed to get better. All the stuff she needs to do.”

“Ah.” He nods, swallowing his bite. “Not exactly. We think radiation is next, but there’s no clear timeline yet.”

“Yeh-yeh,” Aila says.

“Will she go back to work?”

“…Think so, yeah.” He has yet to even _think_ about work to be quite honest. “As much as she can.”

Tom grunts and, to everyone’s surprise, serves himself some salad. Then picks at it. Aila, having eaten all of her tomatoes, extends an arm in Tom’s direction and flexes her fingers greedily.

“May-o.”

Alec turns and stares at her. “…Tomato?”

Aila nods and grins. “May-o.”

Under his breath, Alec mutters, with some astonishment, “Bloody genius.” Then he plucks a few tomatoes from the salad bowl and plops them onto Aila’s tray.

This has not gone unnoticed by Fred. “Ailie’s not a genius, she’s just a baby.”

With her mouth full, Aila repeats, “May-o.” Then pieces of chewed up tomato come tumbling out of her mouth.

“Gross,” Fred says.

“Can I go back to Chelsea’s after supper?” Tom questions suddenly.

Alec finishes his bite. “Ahm. Yeah, can you wait ‘til your brother’s gone down? Then you can do as you like.”

Tom nods, staring at his salad. “Yeah, all right.”

“Can I watch an _Infinity War_ with Granddad?” Fred asks. “Since it’s a special night.”

Alec blinks at him. “A special – “

“A sleepover night!”

Tom is shaking his head to himself.

Alec leans forward, rubs his temple, then nods. “Up to Granddad, I reckon.”

Aila lurches forward and slaps her father’s arm to give his attention. “Da-da.”

“Yes, darlin’.” He looks over at her. She has smashed tomato in her hair. “Ah.”

She grins. “May-o.”

He sighs but can’t help smiling. “Bath time, then.”

_________________________

Alec convinces Fred to start his Marvel film while he tends to Aila. To watch it with Tom a while until Granddad arrives, in the hopes that Granddad will not be subjected to the entire lengthy endeavor. Fred, ever impatient, accepts these terms.

Upstairs, Alec gives Aila a quick bath. It turns out to be quite a balm for him, these few minutes of joy with his water baby. He suspects Aila pelted her hair with tomatoes purposely as a way of securing a bath. Like her mother, she loves the water, could live in the water, is happiest here.

Afterward, he drains the bathtub and towels her off, leaving her in her baby tiger hood towel as he attempts to brush the few teeth she has. Aila repeatedly mutters “no, no” throughout the inevitably short ordeal.

She chatters her mostly nonsense words at him – much in the way Fred often does, though far more unintelligible – as he changes her nappy, dresses her in her pyjamas, and puts on her sleep sack. He has a bottle ready on the side table by the rocking chair. As they sit down, Aila clocks the bottle then looks up at her father.

“Mummum?”

He smirks at the connection she’s made. “I know, darlin’. You’d much prefer the real thing. No Mummy tonight, I’m afraid."

“No, no,” Aila confirms, nodding as if she's accepted her fate with ease.

He blindly pulls out a cardboard baby book from the book basket and settles her back against him so they can read it together. Together meaning Aila in charge of turning the pages. Which she usually does before he can finish reading what’s on each one. Fortunately, he has most of them memorized by now. They read two of them, then Alec cradles her and gives her the bottle, which she defiantly holds by herself.

This is among his favourite things in the world. When he gets to give Aila a bedtime bottle and cradle her to sleep. Often it’s Ellie in this position, as she can nurse her to sleep much more easily. But when it’s him, he gets to stare into his daughter’s big brown eyes, which always seem to be studying him closely while she drinks her bottle. Sometimes she reaches up to scratch at his beard or grab his nose. These moments of peace sustain him.

She’s knackered tonight. Heavy eyelids close before she’s even finished the bottle. Very carefully, he extricates it from her mouth and quickly replaces it with a pacifier before she can notice the difference.

“My good girl,” he whispers, leaning down to kiss her forehead. Then he slowly stands, rocking her a bit. “Sleep through the night for Granddad, please. You’ll not be pleased if you wake and neither Mummy nor Daddy comes to rescue you.”

Aila yawns. The pacifier pops out and he pops it back in when she’s done.

“I love you so much, my darlin’ lass,” he tells her as he carefully transfers her to the crib. “Sleep tight.”

_________________________

He watches a bit of the film with Tom and Fred until David arrives. Ellie had instructed him to put Fred to bed before leaving, but it seems to him that the best thing he can do for Fred is to let him have a “special sleepover night” with his grandfather.

After giving his father-in-law a concise update on Ellie’s condition, he reminds him to let Fred FaceTime Ellie at bedtime. By that time, he’ll likely be at Ellie’s side and can say goodnight himself.

He says his goodbyes to Fred and Tom, thanks David, then grabs the leftover pizza he’d saved for Ellie.

Tom approaches him in the foyer as he’s donning his jacket.

“I can go, right?”

“…If that’s what you want, yeah.”

Tom nods. “I told Granddad I’d be back by eleven.”

“Good. Fine then.”

Tom fishes his own jacket out of the pile that has gathered by the door. “Tell Mum I’m – you know, I don’t know, tell her I’m…happy she’s doing well."

“Yeah, right.” Alec nods. “I’ll tell her.”

_________________________

Back at the hospital, Ellie is scrolling on her iPad. She’s already quite bored out of her mind after only a few hours alone confined to her bed. Lucy had sent her a few photos of the children during the day, so she lingers on those a while.

The smell of pizza precedes Alec’s entrance. She sits up straight, placing the iPad on her side table. She claps her hands when he appears, not unlike the way Aila does.

“Pizza for m’lady,” he announces. “Plus….” There’s a grease-stained paper bag on top of the tupperware. “Chips with extra vinegar.”

“Oh I love you.”

“For dessert there’s a KitKat, smarties, and a donut from that bakery you like in Exbury.”

She clasps her hands together excitedly. “I’d marry you again in a heartbeat.”

“Surely this kind of thing is frowned upon in hospital,” he says with a nervous frown.

“Oh please I’m in here for cancer, not high cholesterol.”

He finds it quite adorable, watching her scarf down loads of unhealthy food. She does it with such enthusiasm and gusto, it’s hard to fault her. Her enjoyment is so _pure_ and none of it is taken for granted. The only thing he’s ever felt such enthusiasm for is _her_.

As she eats, he updates her on the kids. The big event seems to be Aila’s new word, _may-o_. Ellie is a bit dumbstruck by it, and totally charmed.

“Should give her some mayonnaise next time she asks for it,” she suggests. “That’ll really throw her off.”

Discussion of Tom seems to sober her quite a bit.

“He’s still quite cross with me, isn’t he?”

Alec shrugs noncommittally. “He’ll come ‘round.”

“’Least he’s not tried to move out again,” she says, then grimaces. “Yet.”

“He’s not movin’ out, El.”

Alec’s mobile buzzes, heralding a text from David. It’s bedtime for Fred and the boy is demanding his FaceTime with Ellie.

Alec helps her clear all the snacks and wrappers from her bed and she reaches for her iPad.

In his bed, Fred is wearing pyjamas with owls on them and holds Rhino in his lap.

“Hi, Mumma.” He’s grinning at her shyly like he’s just asked her out on a date.

Alec can almost _see_ her heart fly out of her body toward the screen. “ _Hi_ , my sweet love. Is that Granddad there too?”

David’s hand waves in front of the camera briefly. “I’m here, love.”

“How’s your day been, little one?”

Fred regales her with tales of his very busy day. Ellie listens to him happily, as if she’d be thrilled to be on the receiving end of his stories forever and ever. Alec loves to watch her watching Fred.

When Fred runs out of steam, he finally seems to take a look at what he can discern of Ellie’s surroundings. “Is the hospital scary, Mumma?”

“No no, love. Not scary at all. Just very busy. And cold.”

“Did you see anyone die today?”

Ellie frowns. “…I did not, no.”

“Is Daddy there?”

Alec leans in and pops into view. “Right here, mate.”

“Where will Daddy sleep tonight?”

Alec chuckles. “Right here in this chair, lad.”

“Not very cozy,” Fred observes. “Will you be home when I wake up?”

“Not quite so early, love,” Ellie replies. “By lunch time I’d reckon. The special hospital is a bit of a drive away, remember.”

“If it’s sunny, can we go to the park?” Fred asks before yawning.

“I think that can be arranged. If we hear you’ve behaved for Granddad and Auntie Lucy.”

Fred nods emphatically. “Today Auntie Lucy put Ailie down on the sofa next to me and I didn’t even push her off.”

Ellie blinks at the screen. Alec sighs heavily off-camera.

“…Well done there, Freddie,” she says.

Once they’ve wrapped up their goodnights to Fred, Alec requests her patience as he dashes back to the car. When he returns, he’s got two pillows in hand, direct from their bed.

“Oh, you didn’t!” Ellie exclaims.

He hands over her pillow. “I did.”

“I’m lucky.”

“Yes, you are.”

Settled in with their respective pillows, Alec kicks back to relax and reaches for her hand. He offers her a lazy smile.

“How d’you feel?”

“Fine,” Ellie replies sincerely. “Honest.”

“Nervous about tomorrow?”

“A bit. But I’m optimistic. Aren’t you?”

“Course,” he replies quickly. “Course I am, you’re gonna be just fine.”

She nods slowly, staring off. “We’ve too much now. Too much for it to be taken away. I don’t think I believe that’s how it works,” she tells him, without meeting his eyes. “I don’t think we could suffer so much and work so hard and have so much to show for it just for it all to disappear in the blink of an eye. So I’m choosing to believe it won’t.”

Alec swallows. “Good,” he replies, putting on a brave face and squeezing her hand. “Then I'll do the same.”

She looks at him finally. “I’m sorry you’re stuck in that chair. I’d invite you here but with the IVs…”

He shakes his head. “Ah, ‘m fine, don’t think on it. Practically slept at my desk for years.”

“We’re using the term _sleep_ loosely, I gather.”

He smirks at her. “You just rest. I’m here for whatever you need. I’ll even dash out and get you some proper breakfast in the mornin’.”

She perks up. “Will it involve bacon?”

“Naturally.”

Ellie lays her head back against the pillow and smiles at him adoringly. “I love you very much.”

He kisses her hand. “I know,” he answers softly. “Rest now, love. Sooner we sleep, the sooner we’re back home.”

She nods and closes her eyes. He turns and stares out the window.

All night.

***


	3. Chapter 3

Alec is awoken abruptly first thing in the morning by a pack of nurses. He has no idea when he fell asleep or how long it’s been but there’s an unbelievable pain in his neck and when he cracks his back, all the nurses pause to look at him.

Ellie is still out cold. A nurse is attempting to wake her gently to no avail.

He nods knowingly and holds up a finger. “Hang on.” He leans over Ellie and stage whispers in her ear. “El. The baby’s climbed out of the crib.”

Her eyes pop open and her entire body jolts awake. “ _What_.”

He chuckles softly and kisses her cheek. “Sorry. Baby’s fine, the nurses are here.” He glances over at the nurses, both amused and impressed. “An ever-present fear,” he tells them. “We’ve a very active baby.”

As Ellie blinks away the blurriness of sleep, she sees it. That look again, now on the nurses’ faces. That _oh no the cancer patient has a baby_ face that seems to plague her wherever she goes.

“We’ve come to take you to your scans,” one of the nurses announces.

Ellie nods. “Can I not do my teeth first?”

Alec quickly digs through the duffel bag they brought and in good time hands her a mint.

She smiles at him. “You really have thought of everything.”

As the nurses ready her for the tests, they inform Alec that he cannot go with her. He cannot hide his disappointment, though he had anticipated this. Ellie looks at him apologetically.

“I’ll scrounge you up some breakfast,” he says, squeezing her hand. “Have it ready for you the minute you finish.”

Walking out of the hospital into the crisp, cold air, Alec pulls out his mobile. It’s surprisingly sunny for a winter morning in southern England and he has to squint at the screen. He dials Daisy again. He hadn’t been able to reach her last night and had settled for a text.

This time she answers.

“Hiya, darlin’.” He approaches the car and fishes around in his pocket for the keys. “Ah, no bother, you’re all right.” He settles into the driver’s seat and puts the mobile on speaker as he fastens it into its car holder. “She’s fine, darlin’, just fine. Just wheelin’ her to her scans now. I’ll have her ring you this afternoon. Now. Tell me all about Fiji.”

__________________________

He’s back with a bacon sandwich and a large coffee roughly three minutes before she’s wheeled back in.

“Surprised you didn’t go for the full English.” She smirks at him.

They sit together on her bed and eat breakfast like it’s any other day. Like they’re on the sofa in one of their offices at work. Just any old Tuesday morning. He reports on his phone call with Daisy. She tells him about the tests and scans. Then she is extricated from the IVs, the gauze removed from her surgical scar, and the nurses instruct her to get dressed. He lifts her bag onto the bed so she can sift through it. He finds himself suppressing the urge to _help her_ dress herself. She can tell. She raises an eyebrow at him when he hands her her knickers.

“Not an invalid yet, love.”

“Right.” He nods tersely and shoves his hands in his trouser pockets to keep them still.

To his surprise, she changes into a pair of jeans. Then a Queen t-shirt he didn’t know she had. And not one of her (or _his_ rather) oversized t-shirts she often wears to bed. This one fits her snugly. It has to be from her teenage years.

Then she tops it with a fashionable blazer. Unlike her uber professional, slightly boring work blazers. This one is olive green and on the shorter side. It looks like something out of Daisy’s closet.

There’s no mirror, so she just pins one side of her hair back. Then looks at him.

“What?”

“What?” He replies, startled. “Nothin’.”

She looks ten years younger.

Then she sighs and folds her arms across her chest and looks like herself again.

“ _What_ , Alec.”

He shakes his head. “No, it’s just…not your usual get-up, is it.”

She shrugs her shoulders and starts fishing through her bag again. “Trying something out.”

Toiletries in hand, she disappears into the tiny bathroom in the corner of the room. He sits in his chair and rubs his face.

She’s gone through a number of fashion phases, he realizes. Though he’d be hesitant to use the word _fashion_ in its truest sense. From their first meeting, he’d seen her only in work clothes – professional, muted, unremarkable. And then her _just trying to get through the day clothes_ while they were working on Sandbrook. Slightly dowdy blouses, slacks, a wrinkled cardigan here and there. Upon his return to Broadchurch after his hiatus, a little more confident. Still professional but a bit more attention to detail. The growing out of her hair had been a shock to his system, though he rarely had the privilege of seeing it unrestrained.

She’d started dating more and more. He’d hated almost every second of that phase of their relationship. Hated everything except the extra effort she began putting into her appearance. He had, of course, been attracted to her without the effort. But then there were _two_ open buttons on her blouse instead of one at work. The haircut that struck a happy medium between the short and the long – literally. And the _lipstick_. The lipstick had nearly done him in.

Once they were together, she seemed to relax into an easy confidence. She paid more attention to her appearance and her clothing than she had in the past, but without the anxiety or the pressure. Simply because she enjoyed it. She began to _enjoy_ putting on makeup now and then, dressing up for the odd party, getting regular haircuts instead of letting it all run wild until Lucy dragged her to the salon by her split ends. It was nice.

Even while she was pregnant, there was an easiness about her. An understanding of what worked for her body and what didn’t. How she wanted to look and feel – without worrying about what other people might think of her. And christ, those low-cut, tight at the top, flowy at the bottom maternity blouses…he’d been done in again by those.

After the baby was born, there’d been sort of an earth mother vibe about her. Loose, flowy trousers. Oversized tops, shirt dresses. She had seemed very much in her element.

And…what’s this now? Jeans and a tucked in t-shirt? He’s not mad at it. He’s absolutely not mad at it. But it’s…new.

She comes out of the bathroom and immediately stares at him.

“Stop it.”

“I didn’t say anythin’.”

“I _like_ this outfit.”

He nods. “Clearly. You planned it in advance.”

After a beat, her shoulders slump suddenly, like the air’s been let out of her. “…I look ridiculous, don’t I?”

“ _No_.” He gets up and goes to her, rubbing her arms. “No, no. It’s just different.”

Her face forms a pout. “I miss Aila.”

He raises both eyebrows. “…Because I said _no no_?”

She nods emphatically and he pulls her into his arms with a chuckle. “It’ll not be long now."

__________________________

They wait in Dr. Waverly’s office for at least twenty minutes before she arrives.

She greets them cheerily. “Good morning.” And they simply stare back at her.

She sits behind her desk and opens the manila folder she brought in with her.

“Well. Good news, it’s as we thought.”

Alec and Ellie both exhale. He squeezes her hand.

“Things are going to plan now and that’s something to be grateful for,” Dr. Waverly continues. “The cancer hasn’t spread so radiation therapy will be our next step. It’s localized and external and typically comes with less, and less severe, side effects than chemotherapy. No hair loss. And, as I know this has been a concern of yours, Ellie, you’ll be able to continue breast-feeding if you choose to.”

Ellie breathes out and nods. “Oh that’s good news.”

“Our baby will be ecstatic,” Alec adds.

“The less great news is that the type of radiation we’re planning will be administered in small doses. That’s about fifteen minutes a day, five days a week.”

Ellie straightens her spine. “For how long?”

“That I don’t know yet,” Dr. Waverly replies. “I’ll need a little more time to finalize your plan, but my estimated guess would be about four or five weeks.”

“Blimey,” Ellie says under her breath.

“Would that be here?” Alec asks.

“That would be here, yes.”

“Right.” He nods to himself. “Almost two hours round trip daily.”

Ellie rubs her temple. “What about work? I’m scheduled to return from the Christmas holidays on Monday.”

“It’s likely we won’t begin your treatment for at least a week, first off,” Dr. Waverly tells them. “And then…well, that’s really up to you, I think. It’s down to your schedule and how you’re feeling. To my mind there’s no pressing reason you can’t return to work so long as you’re up for it. We can do our best to schedule your daily treatment either first thing in the morning or end of the day.”

Ellie is nodding a bit too rapidly, staring at her hands. Alec reaches over to rub her face in small circles.

“We’ll sort it,” he tells her quietly.

“We’ll schedule what we call a planning session later this week,” the doctor continues. “To personalize your treatment to the best of our abilities. And we’ll discuss general scheduling in the coming days. Until then, there’s little you need to do to prepare. Keep taking the vitamins, attempt a healthy diet, rest as much as you need to. Listen to your body. Go to work if you’re up to, rest if you’re not. You’ll have a good sense soon enough of what you’ll need in the coming weeks.” She looks from Ellie to Alec and back again. “Any questions?”

“… _So_ many,” Ellie replies. “And also none at all.”

Dr. Waverly chuckles. “That’s about right. Keep a list as they occur to you and we’ll address them in our next meeting. And if I may remind you once more…please don’t google them in the meantime.”

“Right.” Ellie nods.

“Got it,” Alec agrees.

__________________________

Alec takes the coastal route home so Ellie can watch the sea through her window.

“D’you want to stop anywhere?” He glances briefly over at her. “If I’m not mistaken there’s a McDonald’s not too far from here.”

Ellie, practically leaning her head against the window, makes an unintelligible noise before responding. “Healthy diet, remember?”

“Right.”

His concern up until now had simply been getting her to eat, period. He realizes that now he has to shift his strategy to getting her to eat _healthily_.

“We could stop over at the beach.”

She throws him a bit of side-eye. “Bloody freezing outside.”

“Yeah. Right.”

Ellie sighs and sits up straight again, turning to look at him. “I’m fine. Just want to get back home to the kids.”

He nods and keeps his eyes on the road. Until:

“Ah, christ.”

Ellie looks at him with a frown.

“It’s Tuesday,” he tells her. “I’ve got Marjorie this afternoon.” He swipes a hand over his face and pinches the bridge of his nose. “I’ll call and cancel.”

“You’ll do no such thing,” Ellie retorts. “Fifty sodding pounds, that cancellation fee. Besides you’ve not seen her in weeks due to the holidays, she doesn’t even know about my…situation. You ought to see her.”

“Rather be with you and the kids.”

“Be with us after. Go.” She reaches over to squeeze his thigh. “Please.”

He sighs heavily. “Fine then.”

__________________________

Lucy has been on kid duty since this morning, when she relieved David from his overnight shift. Still a bit groggy and jetlagged, she has mostly relied on the telly to entertain Fred while she lies on the floor and lets Aila play around her. Tom disappeared after breakfast, barely maintaining a poker face when insisting he was going to “the library.”

When they hear the car doors slam outside, both Fred and Aila are on high alert. Fred runs to the front door and flings it open, freezing temperatures be damned, and jumps up and down.

At the same time, Ellie and Alec both call out to him, “INSIDE!”

Lucy has scooped up Aila in the foyer before she crosses the threshold out onto the porch with her brother.

Fred practically throws himself at Ellie, causing Alec to panic a bit and intervene.

“Hey hey hey, easy, lad.”

Fred looks over at Alec with wide eyes, his arms still tightly wound around Ellie’s waist. “Why?”

“It’s all right,” Ellie says.

“Your mum’s just out of surgery, mate,” Alec reminds him. “Must be gentle with her.”

Ellie guides Fred inside and out of the cold. Alec closes the door behind them.

Aila is clapping her hands. “Mummumumumumumum.”

“Does it hurt?” Fred asks, his face smushed up against her stomach.

“Nah, don’t you worry,” Ellie replies.

Aila is now anxiously holding her arms out to her mother, whining and wriggling. “Mumumumumum.”

Ellie reaches for her, pulling the baby into her arms despite the hold Fred still has on her.

“That’s my top!” Lucy exclaims suddenly at her sister.

“Is not,” Ellie argues.

Aila snuggles into Ellie’s chest, burying her face in her neck, both hands grabbing a fistful of her clothing possessively.

“Ahmumumum,” Aila murmurs contentedly.

“That’s _my_ bloody Queen top!” Lucy insists.

“Been in _my_ wardrobe for twenty years, so explain _that_.”

“I think _you’d_ better bloody explain that.”

“Ladies, ladies, please.” Alec tries to diffuse the situation. “Surely there are better moments for this altercation.”

Then he reaches for Aila so that Ellie can take her jacket off. But Aila doesn’t let go, she goes totally stiff and refuses.

“No no.”

Alec snorts and Ellie grins at him.

“My sweet baby.” Ellie kisses the top of her head over and over as she and Alec together attempt to remove her jacket without disturbing the baby who is clinging to her like a starfish.

“ _I’m_ a sweet baby,” Fred says.

“Yes, you are,” Ellie agrees.

He grabs her hand. “Come on, Mumma. Come watch _Bug’s Life_ with us.”

Fred drags her into the living room.

“I need to get going,” Lucy announces, retrieving her jacket. “I’ll pop by tomorrow.”

The minute Ellie sits down on the sofa with Fred, Aila starts pawing at her breasts and yanking at her top.

“Relax, little girl, I’ve got you.” She lifts her t-shirt and unfastens her bra.

“The ants are gonna fight the big cockroach guys,” Fred says, unpausing the film.

Aila eagerly nurses and Ellie feels herself relaxing for the first time all day. She looks over at her sister, who is hovering in the doorway with her jacket on.

“Where’s young Thomas Hardy?” Ellie asks.

“What?” Lucy squints. “Oh, Tom. He’s, um. He’s – “

“Out,” Ellie finishes, knowingly.

“Said he’d be back before supper.”

“Right.”

“I’m off,” Lucy says, after giving her sister a sympathetic smile. She turns and gives Alec a curt kiss on the cheek. “See you later.”

Alec sees her to the door. “Thanks, Luce.”

“He wants the girl ant to be his girlfriend,” Fred is telling Ellie. “You can tell she’s the girl ant ‘cause she has eyelashes.”

“Boys have eyelashes too, you know.”

“What!” Fred hands fly up to his eyes and smash into them. He pokes at his eyelids. “Wow.”

Aila, absolutely blissed out, unlatches and tips her head back to look at Ellie with a grin. “Mummum.”

“Yes, baby.” Ellie smiles back at her and gently guides her back to her breast. She looks over at Alec, now in the doorway. “Do you think she’s surprised I came back?”

He shakes his head. “Not surprised. Just relieved.”

“Relief implies the assumption that I would not come back.”

He refrains from rolling his eyes. “Don’t read into it, El. She’s just happy you’re home,” he says. “Gonna go have a shower. You all right?”

“Am I all right sitting on the sofa with my children?”

“…Right, off I go.”

Ellie strokes Aila’s cheek. “Daddy’s so silly, isn’t he, little bug. Silly Daddy.”

Fred shifts onto his knees excitedly, eyes glued to the television. “The cockroaches are coming, Mumma.”

Ellie exhales. “Oh, joy.”

__________________________

“Well, happy Christmas,” Marjorie greets him jovially as they both take a seat in her office. “Hope it’s been a lovely one.”

Alec is entirely jarred by the notion as he collapses into his usual chair. Christmas already feels like decades ago.

“Ah, yes, yeah.” He clears his throat and crosses one leg over the other. “Very nice.”

She studies him for a moment, then reaches for her notepad and pen. “You don’t seem rested.”

“Well, no,” he admits shiftily. “Spent the night in a chair in hospital.”

Marjorie leans forward, frowning with concern. “In hospital? What’s happened?”

Alec takes a moment. He breathes in, breathes out. The pause lasts only a few seconds but extends for hours in his mind.

“Ellie’s got cancer,” he announces, then sighs, perhaps only to give himself a moment before continuing. “We found out about a week and a half before Christmas. Ovarian cancer.”

Marjorie is staring at him. Her wheels are turning, she’s trying to process the information and study him simultaneously.

“Alec.” It comes out like an exhale. “I’m so very sorry.”

He nods, folding his hands in his lap. “Yeah, thanks, thank you.”

She leans back in her chair. She’s waiting for more. She knows it’s better for him to volunteer the information than for her to ask.

“Early stage,” he says finally. “Caught it early. Big deal, apparently, for ovarian cancer. Too often discovered too late. Thank god Ellie’s gotten so good at listenin’ to her body. Honestly. Anyhow, she’s, um. She had surgery yesterday. To remove the tumors. And it was successful, everybody’s very optimistic. She starts radiation likely in the next week or so.”

Marjorie nods slowly. “That’s a lot. A lot in a short time,” she says. “How is Ellie feeling?”

“Ah, she’s great,” Alec replies with a short laugh of disbelief. “Right as rain. She’s a fortress, my Ellie. Strong as ever.” Then he falters. “She’s been – exhausted. Knackered all the time. Her appetite comes and goes – quite a feat for her, let me say. She’s frequently nauseated. But all things considered, she’s bloody fantastic.”

“Physically, all right, how about emotionally?”

He ought to have known that would be next. “…Changes from one moment to the next. The fatigue has really impacted her mood. Hard to be cheerful when you’re exhausted all the bloody time.” He pauses. “She’s frightened. But optimistic. Havin’ it all go down around the holidays was tough. An emotional, sentimental time _as is_ , but add all of this…it was a struggle to keep it together.”

“I can imagine,” she replies. “How are the kids?”

He grimaces. “Only just told them yesterday. So the older ones are none too pleased, Daisy was off to Fiji with her mum only hours later. Tom’s broody and why wouldn’t he be. Fred is confused. Scared, when he remembers, but he can fixate on other things better than anyone I know. And the baby…Ellie swears she knows. Swears she can _sense_ it. Which is absurd, right enough, but – “

“It’s not absurd.” Marjorie shakes her head. “It’s certainly possible. Babies are surprisingly empathetic. They do sense things. And Aila being _your_ daughter, that wouldn’t surprise me in the least.”

Alec frowns at her. “…I’ll try not to read too much into that last bit.”

She smiles knowingly. “How are _you_ feeling?

He snorts involuntarily, then sheepishly folds in on himself a bit. “I’m. Y’know.” He rubs his forehead. “Listen, I don’t like it when my wife has a _cold_ , let alone…” He leans back in his chair now. “She’s been through enough. Far, far more than enough. This just feels… _cruel_ to me.”

Marjorie appears to be staring right through him. “You've not answered my question.”

He shrugs. “I’m unhappy.”

“Yes…”

“What d’you want me to say?” He retorts. “My wife, my favourite person in the world, the woman I wasted forty-five years of my life _without_ , is suddenly battling a life-threatening illness. It _gnaws_ at me, the ache I wake up with every mornin’…” He folds his arms across his chest protectively. “’s not like anythin’ else I’ve ever experienced. She’s strong, she’s otherwise healthy, and she’s in good hands, I know that, everyone’s optimistic and things could be far worse. I know all that. I’m grateful for all that. But the idea that there’s something inside her tryin’ to take her down…I can’t stop thinkin’ about it. Truly. It’s an obsession. I want to go in there myself and sort it for her myself. And the fact that I _can’t_ …it makes me feel ill sometimes. Physically ill. Or sometimes…above myself, out of my own body. The helplessness overwhelms every other feeling inside me and I feel like I’m a balloon that’s just slipped out of a child’s hands on a windy day. I’m gone and I can’t get back.”

When Alec finally _looks_ at Marjorie, he almost laughs. She seems _pleased_. He knows it’s due to his lengthy articulation of his inner world but it’s amusing nonetheless.

“And how are you coping with it all?”

He raises an eyebrow. “I just told you.”

“No, you told me how you were feeling. I’m asking now how you are _coping_ with those feelings,” she explains. “What are you doing to work with those feelings, to help you live with them.”

“Oh.” He shifts around a bit, diving into the recesses of his brain. “Dunno really. Tryin’ to focus on Ellie’s needs. The kids’ needs. Ellie wants things to be normal and I’m doin’ my best to achieve that for her.”

“By acting as if it isn’t happening?”

“No.” He snorts and shakes his head. “No, impossible, that. I’m just…what do they say, _goin’ with the flow_. Takin’ things ones at a time. Tryin’ not to spiral out.”

“Good, that’s good,” she replies. “Are you and Ellie discussing it? Your feelings, I mean.”

“Mm. Yeah, quite a bit, I think. We’re not tryin’ to hide from each other, if that’s what you mean,” he answers. “Feel like we’re bein’ quite open about it. It’s hard to talk about, but it’s…we’re doin’ okay, I think.”

Marjorie pauses a moment, then nods her head, as if to herself. “It’s difficult, you know, these situations. When someone we love so much is ill or hurting, the trick is to find a balance. You need to figure out a way to not make it about _you_ while still honouring your feelings about it, your needs. It’s right for you to focus on Ellie and defer to her needs and wants, just so long as you’re not sublimating your own. Does that make sense?”

“Ah, yeah.” He scratches his head. “Yeah, it does.”

“So we’ll work on that. We’ll keep talking about it.”

“Fine, good.”

“I assume Ellie will be working with her therapist as well.”

He tilts his head to the side. “Ah, probably, yeah, I reckon.” 

“Let’s stay optimistic.”

“….Right.”

“It’s the best option.”

He runs a hand through his hair then nods. “Right.”

“So that’s what we’ll do. That’s what I’ll help you do.”

“Right.” His gaze shifts to the window next to Marjorie’s chair. “That’s what we’ll do.”

__________________________

When Tom comes home, his mother and siblings are gathered around the coffee table in the living room, on the floor. The crayons are out, coloured pencils strewn about. Fred is diligently working on a drawing of Wonder Woman and Captain America. Ellie seems to be crafting little tornados all over her piece of paper. Aila is sitting next to her mother, studiously trying to force shaped blocks into their corresponding holes.

“Is that Tom?” Ellie calls out.

Tom appears in the doorway holding a large paper bag full of groceries.

“What’s all this?” She asks, stifling a gasp.

“I’m making supper,” Tom announces, nonchalantly. “Enchiladas. From the recipe book you and Alec got me.”

Ellie’s mouth pops open. “… _Oh_.”

“Are you, um.” He glances down at his shoes. “All right? Feel okay?”

She smiles warmly. “I’m good, lovely. Absolutely fine.”

Tom nods. “Right, good. Well, I’ll just – be in the kitchen.”

Ellie watches him disappear down the hall. “Thanks, love.”

“Mumma.” Fred is looking at her intently. “What colour are Wonder Woman’s eyes?”

Aila throws a plastic block with surprisingly velocity, then begins crawling into Ellie’s lap. “Bumbumbumbum.” She tries to close her mouth around Ellie’s knee with a muffled, “Ayayaya.”

“I think they’re turquoise,” Fred answers himself before she can even guess. He picks up his teal crayon. “Like a seashell.”

Then there’s the sound of a car door slamming outside. Aila jerks and looks up at Ellie with delight. “A- _da_ -da,” she squeals.

Ellie looks down at her daughter quizzically. “How on _earth_ do you know when it’s Daddy and when it’s someone else?”

Aila just grins. “Dada.”

Without glancing up from his drawing, Fred says, quite matter-of-factly, “Daddy always slams the door hard. Like he’s cross with it.”

Ellie snorts. “Really?”

Fred nods. “Uhm-hm.”

When Alec comes inside, he immediately slips off his coat and his shoes and reports to the living room. He kneels down at Ellie’s side and pulls her against him, placing a kiss on her jaw and squeezing her.

She laughs. “Hello there.”

Aila crawls over to him. “Dada.”

He kisses Ellie’s cheek.

With a grin, Ellie says, “Get a bit emotional with Marjorie, did you.”

“Course not,” he replies, scooping up Aila and then standing again. “Never.”

__________________________

It takes several hours for Ellie to catch Tom standing still long enough to have a conversation. She waits while he cooks. She waits through supper. She waits until both the little ones have been tucked into bed. Then she interrupts her oldest son’s video game playing. Her timing could not be worse in the end.

“Right in the middle of this level,” Tom protests, making a valiant effort to stay focused on the game.

“Can’t you just – pause it?” She sits down on the sofa beside him, tucking one leg underneath her. “These things pause, don’t they?”

“Yeah, but – “ He sighs, weighs his options, and goes with the one that he’s certain is an inevitability anyway. He pauses the game and sets his controller on the coffee table. “Right, fine then.”

“Thank you.” She reaches out and pats his knee. “I know we haven’t had a chance to talk since…everything."

The surly teenager comes out in fine form. “Yeah, well. Who’s _that_ down to?”

“…Me. I know. I know it.” She holds her hands up in defeat. “I shouldn’t have kept it from you so long. I’m owning it.”

“Good.”

“Are you…” She leans against the cushion, observing him closely. “How are you feeling about it all?”

“Um.” Tom rubs his temple with the heel of his hand. “I dunno, Mum. Dunno if it’s like, sunk in yet or whatever.”

“Right. That’s okay, that’s normal,” Ellie tells him. “I mean, I assume.”

His lips quirk into a half-smile. “I guess I’m kind of worried about what’s coming, you know? Don’t really know what to expect.”

“Me neither,” she admits. “We’re all in the same boat there, I’m sorry to say. I think the next few months are going to be a bit rough no matter how it all shakes out. But my doctor thinks we’re in a good position. The surgery’s successful and they’re starting to lay out next steps. Radiation for a few weeks. It’s…every day apparently, but it doesn’t take long, so I should be able to work through it all.”

“Really?” Tom asks. “Doesn’t that stuff make you sick?”

“Chemo,” Ellie says. “Radiation’s different. But, similar idea. As far as we laymen are concerned anyway. Less side effects. For all we know you won’t see much change to your day to day at all.”

Tom scoffs. “Doubt that.”

“Dunno, it might be true. We might possibly need you to help out a bit more with your brother and sister, but hopefully it won’t totally disrupt your life,” she explains. “We don’t want that, Alec and me. We want to keep things are normal as possible, especially for you kids. We’re going to work hard for that.”

“Things have never been _normal_ ,” Tom replies with a smirk.

Ellie playfully whacks his arm. “Come on, they have. There’s been a bit of normal this last year, hasn’t there?”

“Dunno, is it normal for your mum to have a baby when you’re sixteen years old?” Tom counters.

“…Right, touché then.”

“It’s fine, Mum,” he tells her earnestly. “I’ll help out whenever. Not a big deal. Don’t, like, stress yourself out trying to keep me out of it, okay? It’s fine, I don’t mind.”

“Well. Thank you, but even so. It’s important to us that we don’t lean too much on you. It’s best for everyone if we don’t. When possible.”

Tom nods. “Okay.”

She reaches over and squeezes his knee. “It’s all going to be all right, you know that, don’t you? Will all work out in the end.”

“You _can’t_ know that.”

“Now’s not the time to question my powers of clairvoyance, young man.”

Tom rolls his eyes. She can’t resist pulling him into a hug and kissing his hair. “I love you, you know. More than chocolate.”

“I know,” Tom grumbles. “Love you too.”

“Good.” She kisses the top of his head and then lets him go. “I’ll let you get back to your – stealing cars and picking up prozzies or whatever.”

“…It’s FIFA.”

“Oh, is it sports?” She squints at the television. “Well, whatever it is. “

__________________________

Aila has woken up twice since her bedtime at 7:30. Both times crying for Ellie but getting her only once. The second time she was in the shower and Aila had to make do with her father.

Alec sits on the edge of the bed, now finally changed into his t-shirt and boxers for the night, staring exhaustedly at the pale blue-coloured wall. Ellie emerges from the loo in knickers and oversized t-shirt, drying her hair with a towel.

“Tom did quite well with supper, didn’t he,” she says, glancing at him, his back to her.

“Mm. Very well,” Alec agrees. He turns toward her, tucking one leg underneath him on the bed. “I can’t do Mexican for the life of me.”

Ellie smirks. “I know.” Discarding her towel, she moves to her bureau and picks up her moisturizer. “Good of him, wasn’t it.”

Alec nods, then yawns. “Aila was up again.”

Her face falls. “Oh.”

“Back down now.” He lies back on the bed, propping himself up with one elbow as he watches her go through the motions of her bedtime preparations. “Know what I was thinkin’?”

“Hm?”

“Thinkin’ we should have ourselves a…cancer moon.”

Ellie turns and blinks at him. “Neither one of us is a Cancer moon.”

He blinks right back at her. “What?”

“What?”

“Like a honeymoon. And a, whatever, a babymoon,” he explains.

“ _Oh_.” She laughs. “You mean like go on holiday.”

“Yeah. Just for the weekend or somethin’. Before you start your radiation.”

“Hmm.” She sits on the bed to moisturize her legs. “Bit sudden. And I’m not sure being away from the kids is such a good idea right now. If Aila’s behavior this evening is any indication…”

“Right.” He collapses back on the bed. “You’re right.”

“Perhaps we could do a day trip?” Ellie offers. “Might go down to Plymouth or something. Penzance.”

He perks up a bit. “Like the pirates?”

“Ha.” Ellie gets up to return her lotion to its place. “Yes.”

“Could do.”

She regards him with a sympathetic smile and moves to stand before him at the edge of the bed. He sits up, swinging both legs over the edge and she steps between them.

“Don’t want to make too much of a thing of it. You know,” she says, running both hands through his hair.

He looks up at her and nods, weaving his fingers together at the small of her back. “I do know.” And then: “I need to pop into the station tomorrow.”

Ellie’s eyes narrow. “What for?”

“Meet Jenkinson’s replacement. He starts officially on Monday but to make the transition easier, they’d like me to come in and get acquainted,” Alec explains. “Won’t take long.”

“Right,” she replies. “I think I might take the little ones and go ‘round to Beth’s in the afternoon. Give Fred and Lizzie a chance to compare Christmas gifts and give Beth and me a chance to talk.”

“So you’ll tell her then.”

Ellie nods.

“I can take the baby with me, if you like,” he offers. “Wiggly baby not so useful during serious conversations.”

Ellie smiles. “Also not so useful when meeting the boss for the first time.”

“Ah, better he starts gettin’ used to it _now_. At the end of the day, baby comes first.”

“Yes, he’ll _love_ hearing that right off,” Ellie chuckles. “Think he’s been told about us?”

“That his DCI and DI are married with four children?” Alec retorts. “Yeah, imagine so. Be a terrible thing to withhold from someone.”

“Yes.”

Alec begins subtlely fingering the hem of her t-shirt.

“Go on then,” Ellie tells him.

He gently lifts the t-shirt and pushes down the top of her knickers to see her surgery scar. Then he lightly runs his fingertips over it.

“Nice one,” he comments.

“Yes, decent match for yours after all,” Ellie quips.

“Sore?”

“Mm, slight discomfort.” She shrugs. “But not really.”

He leans forward and presses his lips just beneath her belly button. “S’pose we ought to, um. _Refrain_ for a bit. To avoid aggravatin’ it.”

Ellie strokes his hair with one hand and his back with the other. “Probably.”

He grips her hips with both hands and drags his lips all over her lower abdomen until they finally land on the scar itself. He’s thrilled to simply be able to touch her again. It had been agony the day before.

“I’ll behave,” he murmurs against her skin.

“Evidence to the contrary.”

He pulls back to look up at her, his hair now a bit mussed. “Happy just to share a bed with you again.”

Ellie smiles. “It was one night.”

“Yeah, one night too many.”

She takes his face in her hands, stroking his beard with her thumbs, then kissing him softly. And again more deeply. He lets out a short moan of approval and wraps his arms around her waist, pulling her close and kisses her breasts through her thin t-shirt.

“Alec,” Ellie protests half-heartedly.

“I know,” he murmurs. “Sorry.” He pulls back and smiles at her sheepishly.

When they finally pull back the duvet and crawl into bed together, Ellie curls up to him, her head on his chest. He finds himself breathing a sigh of relief, remembering how badly he’d slept the night before. Ellie places her palm atop his pacemaker scar.

“Don’t worry, lovely heart,” she whispers. “Your scar is still the reigning champion of scars. Beat on.” She cozies up even closer and tucks her head under his chin.

He tightens his arms around her. “Five quid says the baby’s up against before midnight.”

“Not taking that bet,” she replies quickly. “Switch off the lamp.”

He does.

In the darkness, Ellie suddenly asks, “Did they give you a name? Jenkinson’s replacement?”

“Mm.” He thinks. “Benjamin Poole.”

Ellie’s eyes pop open, staring widely at the shadows on the wall. Her jaw drops open a bit.

Alec is frowning. “What?”

“…Fucking hell.”

***

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next one will be more fun, I promise.


End file.
